Things Not to Do at Hogwarts: Volume 1
by Awesome Alter Egos
Summary: Many of you have seen it before - the 'unspoken rules' of Hogwarts. From hilarious to just plain extreme, break each rule with your favorite characters... All 586 of them. Rated T to be safe, this rule-breaking may not be suitable for young children!
1. Of Spoons and Bees

Welcome to an attempted try of breaking 586 rules of Hogwarts! This fanfic is a tri-authored one, featuring three members of Awesome Alter Egos: Drew (Fanfic Luvr94), Clem (Ohmydarling660), and GrandDuchessA (WhiteTiger3944). We will try our best to keep updating this story, although it may take years to finish it! Anyways, we hope you enjoy and have tons of laughs!

Disclaimer: The three authors mentioned above do not have any rights to these rules. They are taken from a post by MidnightPixieGal. We do not own any of the Harry Potter characters either!

_Chapter By: Drew (Fanfic Luvr94)__

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1. I will not poke Hufflepuffs with spoons, nor will I insist that their House colors indicate that they are "covered in bees"._

Draco, Crabbe, and Goyle all snickered together. Draco put an arrogant smirk on his face, grabbed a spoon, and dipped it in the honey sitting on the table. Crabbe and Goyle broke into stifled laughter as Draco withdrew the spoon, now covered with honey, and stood up from the Slytherin table.

With a quick, cautious look up at the staff table, Draco walked straight for the Hufflepuff table. Despite all the noise of the students in the Great Hall, he could hear Crabbe and Goyle's guffaws as he approached Hannah Abbott. At first, he was actually reluctant to take on the dare, but now it seemed like an excellent thing to do. Hannah was so unaware of the humiliation that would come her way in just seconds' time.

Hannah was sitting next to her friend Susan, chatting away about what Draco guessed was boys. It was typical girl talk. Not wanting to hesitate any longer, he poked the back of Hannah's head with the honey-laden spoon. Hannah tensed, but did not turn around. She probably thought it was some other Hufflepuff that was trying to get on her nerves. Draco held back laughter as he poked again, only harder this time.

Suddenly, Hannah whipped around in her seat, her eyes burning with anger. "What do you-" she paled when she realized who it was.

"Who do you think you are?" roared Susan.

"I'm trying to help you!" Draco said as he turned to poke Susan on the forehead with the spoon.

"Are you mental? Get away from us!"

"I told you, I'm trying to help you! If you would just hold still-"

Hannah swatted at the spoon, knocking it right out of Draco's hand. "We said, get away from us!"

"Hey, it's not my fault you're wearing yellow and black. Don't you know that's what color bees are? You're covered in them!"

"Get out of here, you freak!" Susan shouted in a shrill voice.

Draco sighed exasperatedly. "Fine, but when you're stung because the bees won't leave you alone, don't come crying to me to get rid of them!" With that, Draco turned on his heel, swishing his cloak behind him.

Crabbe and Goyle were howling. Draco kept right on smirking as he joined them.

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So... what do you guys think? We would love to know! Please leave a review and thanks for reading!_  
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	2. Crikey!

Duchess here with Rule #2! Please enjoy and I hope you like my first chapter in this story!

_Chapter By: GrandDuchessA (WhiteTiger3944)

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_2. No matter how good a fake Australian accent I can do, I will not imitate Steve Irwin during Care of Magical Creatures class. _

Fred and George Weasley snickered in the back row of thier Care of Magical Creatures class. They and the rest of thier fifth year class were standing outside at Hagrid's hut listening to a lesson on hippogriffs. The Weasley twins had been waiting to try their new accent out for some time now...

"Now who would like to see ol' Buckbeak?" Hagrid asked the class. He whistled and the huge birdlike horse walked out into the clearing from the forest.

George wasted no time in hollering from his spot in the back, "Crikey! That's a big one! Look at the claws on him!"

Fred piped up next "And his teeth! I reckon I wouldn't mess with this one!"

The past summer Fred & George had thier first encounter with a Muggle TV and became fascinated with Steve Irwin, A.K.A. the Crocodile Hunter. They imitated and practiced his Australian accent until they had it to a T and decided to put it to use in thier first Care of Magical Creatures Class of the school year.

Buckbeak came closer to the group as Hagrid was holding a ferret for him to eat. As he approached, Fred and George let out a loud "CRIKEY!" at the same time. All the Muggle-borns and some of the half-bloods knew what they were doing and laughed, but most of the group and Hagrid were lost. Fred & George, of course, knew this so they played it up even more, the closer Buckbeak got, the more drama they acted out.

"Don't get too close to this one! His teeth are like razor blades, he'll take your hand right off!" George shrieked.

"He's a dangerous one all right! Those claws could kill a man with one hit!" Fred added.

Hagrid scratched his head and tried to figure out what the Weasley boys were doing, but suddenly heard the shrill voice of McGonagall from the back of the group, "Fred and George Weasley! Follow me!"

The boys followed, snickering all the way up to the castle. When asked what thier punishment was, Fred replied "We had to write the new school rule 100 times each: 'No matter how good a fake Australian accent I can do, I will not imitate Steve Irwin during Care of Magical Creatures class.'"

George added, "I would have written it 1,000 times. It was worth it!" and high-fived his twin.

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There's rule #2 done! We would like to thank charmdiva for adding this story to their favorites and alert list! We would love if the rest of you would do so too, and review as well! Thanks for reading!


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